5 tips for parenting with cancer

In April of 2018 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was quite a shock. I’ve been healthy my entire life. The doctor said with my diagnosis I was expected to live two more years. I’ve been doing well with treatment. The cancer is responding and my counts are great. However, I have three small kids and cancer has affected everyone. I’m not feeling as well as I was, and I need to rest a lot. My husband is carrying a lot of the load, and often I have to turn my kids away when I need a nap. If you are unfortunate enough to be in a similar situation as I am, I thought I would share some of my insight from this journey.

1. When my kids ask for me when I’m resting, I give them a time when I’ll be out.

I’ve found that this gives them hope and the connection they were looking for. Of course, I need to be honest and actually peel myself from the bed when I promised. It’s really hard to get up, but once I’ve had the rest I need it’s best for everyone that I don’t stay there.

2. I watch movies with them when I’m too tired to play.

Sometimes I don’t have the energy or I’m in too much pain to get on the floor with my kids, so snuggles in a chair while watching a flick we both can enjoy works. Of course, movies all day aren’t good for them, but every once in a while shared screen time is sweet.

3. I’m getting myself in the pictures.

My Instagram account is a testament to the fact that I’ve been taking a lot of selfies lately. If my time is really cut short, even if I don’t look my best in all those pictures, my family will eventually appreciate them. I’ve also made short videos where I’m encouraging my kids which they can view later.

4. We have some creative childcare solutions.

All three of my kids are in school, but only one is full-day, and the others don’t attend at the same time. I also can’t drive because of my medications, which means my husband is mostly driving. So sometimes when we can’t get someone to watch my youngest, we’ll bring him to the hospital for labs. Also, a friend found a small window when she can drop him off at preschool when my husband is at work.

5. I focus on enjoying my kids in the here and now.

I have hard days. I’ve had times where the pain was all I could think about. But I try every day to remember my blessings. Focusing on the good stuff helps me not become depressed about the bad stuff. If that’s something you struggle with, check out my depression tips here.

Cancer stinks. But maximizing the time that we have left is the best decision anyone, terminally sick or not, can make.