Things moms with boys say

As a mom of two boys, I find myself saying the craziest things on a regular basis. Such as:

“Don’t attack me with your head.”

“Don’t eat toothpaste!”

“You’re naked? Already? I thought I had more time …”

The thought occurred to me that there are oodles of moms out there with even crazier things they’ve said. So I contacted some of my mom friends, and compiled a hilarious list of things moms with boys say. Enjoy. 


“Please take your hands out of your pants.” – Inez Bayardo, fortheloveofmom.org

“Don’t sit on that naked.” – Kendra Rae, mrsdoingmybest.com

“Wow, you really doodled up your face!” – Julie Smeltzer, fabworkingmomlife.com

“There will be no pewing in the house (the sound that storm troopers’ laser guns make in star wars).” – Nicole Salama Tenenbaum, theprofessionalmomproject.com

“Why is your wiener out?” – Ashley R. M., Mrsmommymack.com

“Stop calling me girl! My name is mom!” – Sally A. 

“How did you find my tampons? – Ashlea M., mommywifelifestyle.com

“Stop making your sister smell your feet!” – Monique T. 

“Let go of your wiener so I can pull up your pants.” – Shauna M., Happychaosfamily.com

“Let’s not eat Mommy’s candles or your books … again …Here, please try your Mac n cheese!” – Anna W. 

“Don’t eat the dog food. It’s for the dog.” – Stacy T., Taylor411.com

“No, I don’t want to hold your stink bug!” – Sharon K. 

“”As cool as it is, don’t show anyone else the easy-access “penis pocket” that came with your new undies. Yes, I know it’s cool. Just don’t show anyone, okay?” – Nichole M. , Thehundredhatmom.com

“We do not play with the dog’s butt.” – Raquel H., thecoolmomsblog.com

“Yes, heaven will be the same temperature as mommy’s chest.” Melvina M. 

“I can’t look!” – Molly A., speechbaby.net

“I don’t want to see another penis in random places! (they were sculpting penises out of the wax that comes with babybel cheese and sticking them random places to prank us).” – Beth W. 

“Does Thomas (the train) have to come to every diaper change? Don’t put Thomas there!” Ashley F., spitupandsitups.com

“We do not put toys in the toilet.” -Erin S. , lovepeacebeauty.com

“We wash our feet in the bath. Not in our mouth.” – Sarah E., www.themomstrong.com

“Please keep your tongue to yourself.” – Jodi M. – ofkidsandcows.wordpress.com

“Stop putting your fingers in your brother’s butt!” – Erin B., stayathomeyogi.com

“If you would like to come into my kitchen you have to put pants on!” – Kate L., homeboundbuthopeful.com

“Watch where you’re peeing!” – Shann E., shanneva.com

“Stop punching the cheese!” – Sahvana S., Livingthatmomlife.com

“You flushed a WHOLE HAND TOWEL down the toilet?” – Jennifer S., craftyorganizedmom.com

“Sing the song properly, and not with the word poo.” – Joyce H., wrappedinchaos.wordpress.com

What are some of the crazy things you find yourself saying as a mom?