First of all let me clarify the title of this series: I am not good. According to the Bible, no one is. I certainly have my share of shortcomings. However, anyone looking at my life will likely have this question because the fruit of my life is good. Jesus said in Matthew 7 that you will know people by their fruit, and the obvious things that you see on the outside of my life, that comes from the inside of my heart, is mostly good.
In addition, the Bible says that you reap what you sow, and this is a principal we see throughout the Bible.
So why, if I have sowed good things all my life, am I reaping cancer?
Undoubtedly there are people you know and love who are suffering or have suffered and you are asking the same question.
When I was told that I likely had cancer, and again that I assuredly had AT LEAST stage three, I was just incredulous. Why me? I have three small kids, one with autism, and we just bought a home. Why now?
I allow myself to have moments of sorrow, but I can’t remain there or I won’t survive. I have struggled with depression before, and I’ve learned how to push it back (as detailed by this post about depression). But to be honest, sometimes I can only imagine myself dying and abandoning my family. I always thought it would be easier to be the one suffering or dying than to watch a loved one go through it. But if you’re the one suffering, you also have to watch your loved ones suffer and know that you might leave them. Pain upon pain.
I was meditating on Job, not that I compare myself to one of the most righteous men in the Bible, but because his attitude during suffering was exemplary. It struck me that the reason he refused to curse God and die is because even though he knew God could’ve prevented his suffering, he knew that God’s faithfulness and blessing had been so astounding throughout his life, and “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” (Job 2:10)
We seem to think that we deserve everything to go right for us all the time. We don’t deserve it, and that aching for perfection is going to be fulfilled only in eternity. I strongly believe that God desires to banish all imperfection and suffering, but if he doesn’t end it for me before I die, I don’t have the right to complain.
That doesn’t make the suffering easier. It doesn’t mean I won’t ask questions. But it does put things in perspective for me. As I said right here in this post about praising God when my son’s life was at stake, if He chooses to let us live, great, if not, glory to God. He is good.
Our lives should be living examples of our relationship with Jesus! I totally agree with you here! I am far from perfect, even though one thing I struggle with in my desire for perfection (irony!) . Years ago I would have shook my first before God when a car broke down or pointed my finger at him when I gave money in the offering but then didn’t reap bounty in finances later. My heart was in the wrong place. I’m glad to say that Jesus has moved me and taught me so much in the last 2 yrs that personsal pain and internal conflict, or even external conflicts, tend to draw me closer to Jesus rather than blame and push him away. I am one of many who watch your response during this hard time, and you are pointing others to Jesus even in your pain And that, I am assured, is bringing glory to God and putting a smile on his face
Yes! That’s what I’m going for
Eight years ago i was really sick n found out i have diabeties. I thought i can work with this. So i did n today its under control. Five years ago i was told i have gluacoma n will be blind. Two months ago a pick up a book name Heaven. Changed my thinking n living. Now your words ring to me n i have never prayed so intensed with true tears. Yet i rejouce to know that your in good place. Your heart n words shouts n speaks in the atmosphere of joy n love which i strive for. Your one that is bringing life beyond.
Love you daddy!
I found your blog and can’t thank you enough for sharing this journey. I have no worthy words to offer except know that I am lifting you and your family up. I shared this around a lot because other people who are going through may be touched and helped.
Thank you! Much appreciated ❤️
What an amazing testimony! Praying for you!
Thank you! I need all the prayers of the saints
During devotions this morning, I was led to go to this “place” of yours that inspired me months ago. I “met” you as a result of your genuine faith and love for Him and for your family. Your life touched me as it has so many people; even more-so now. You and your family are being prayed for continuously – for healing, for strength, for courage, for faith.
Thank you, Cindy! Always appreciated!