It’s a bit odd for me to write a post like this since I wasn’t always the most, shall we say, socially-aware person. My husband and a close friend of mine brought this to my attention years ago, and I like to think that I’ve learned a little since.
The word polite is not the strongest word to use as a Christian, as the Bible calls us to be loving and kind, which are not the same thing as polite, but our culture places a value on politeness while simultaneously masking our inherently selfish natures, so I thought it was an important topic.
Kindness level 1: the Golden Rule
The first level of kindness is one most people are familiar with. Matthew 7:12 states:
So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
Even though this is the easiest level, most people struggle with this, as our sinful nature really prefers to treat others badly, as much as we can get away with it. That’s why we need Jesus and the grace of God.
Let me share an example:
At my son’s preschool, cars can park close to the door against a divider in the street. What I would prefer, and others would also, is that the cars pulled up as far as possible to make it easy for cars to park behind. But many cars instead park at the end so they don’t have to walk around the divider. This makes it more difficult for the other cars to park. None of us want to walk the extra distance, or parallel park between the cars. The polite thing to do is pull forward, but human nature is not to treat others the way we want to be treated. I can’t get mad when I have to parallel park, though, because I know that it’s human nature, and I remember a time when I would’ve done the same.
Kindness level 2: consider others more important
This one I think is virtually impossible without God’s help. Philippians 2:3 says:
Do not act out of selfish ambition or conceit, but with humility think of others as being better than yourselves.
This is challenging because you’re not supposed to devalue yourself or give in to low self-esteem or self hatred. Instead, value the other person highly. For example, if you’re at the grocery store and one line is clearly shorter than the other, but you arrive at the same time as someone else, consider them better. Humbly defer and take the longer line.
Kindness level 3: lay down your life
This is epic politeness. The gold standard of kindness. Perfect love. John 15:13 says:
Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
Jesus commands us to love, and then defines love as this. He also said that we will be known by our love. So our lives should be characterized by sacrificial love. I talk about this in the context of marriage in this post here.
As a Christian, our lives should be a demonstration of humility and sacrifice. This means avoiding behavior that is hurtful to someone else, but also going out of our way to defer to someone else. And lest you think this kind of “politeness” is restricted to friends, Jesus said to love our enemies. So there’s that.
When you’re online and someone offends you, instead of snapping back with a smart aleck remark, be kind. When a friend needs a ride to the airport super early, lose your sleep to help them out (also don’t be that person that books an early flight and then asks for a ride). If someone can’t make rent and you have the money in your account, give it to them without expecting a return.
Be polite. Be humble. Be kind. Be loving. Be Jesus.
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